From Issue 3.49: Bad Feelings (Spring 2023)

PAN(DEMIC/DEMONIUM/TOMIME/DORA’S BOX)

last year i let my
hair grow and
grow an inch for
every friend who’s left
the city. find myself
hating the ones who didn’t. 
cut my hair off, start again.

listen to the
same 2 songs on
repeat for months, until 
i don’t know a single 
other sound.

play video games till my 
eyes hurt. walk to the 
park, lie in the
grass till evening. go home 
sun-sated. read
hisoka x illumi fanfiction. stumble 
into the kitchen
wishing that wasn’t
what did it for me.

later you’ll text me and i’ll 
think oh, so
now, you miss me? but i 
won’t reply. eat a
peach over the kitchen 
sink, while thinking

don’t you wish every day was as easy as this?

DEAR JANE, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE BLACK SLUDGE YOU WATCHED ME FISH OUT OF YOUR BATHROOM SINK

when i was the one who invited myself over 
and brought drano and nitrile gloves with me 
specifically so i could do this for you

because i came to see you last week
and i didn’t know how to help with your sadness 
but i did notice your bathroom sink wasn’t draining

and i knew that *that* was something 
i did know how to help with
so i came back this week

just to unclog this sink for you
on the off chance that when the sadness fades a bit
you might think “oh, it’s nice to have a sink that drains properly”

and i will be glad that i helped with that
and maybe, if only just a little, with the sadness too